There are many times in life that you are asked to tell your story.

When you meet new people, they want to learn about you.

When you do a job interview, the employer is trying to form a picture of who you are beyond what you typed on your resume.

If you volunteer, the organization asks you to tell them about yourself so that they can determine the best way you can contribute to their mission.

Why do our stories matter so much?

You Believe Everything Other People Say

I work in a nursing home, so I am going to draw on a nursing example to make this point.

In healthcare there is evidence based research that shows that patient outcomes improve when language choices are made to be more positive, less stigmatizing and less judgmental.

Words like “suffering from diabetes” or “cancer victim” make the patient (and anyone taking care of them) feel like they are suffering and a victim.

If you are suffering, there is not much to look forward to is there?

Living with diabetes is perceived much differently than suffering from diabetes. It leaves room for hope, optimism, and a good outcome.

Things also go better when doctors use the same words the patients use to describe themselves and their conditions instead of medical jargon.  Patients feel heard and understood rather than frustrated that the doctor didn’t get it, or confused and scared by terms they don’t understand.

There have been hundreds of studies that show that the kinder healthcare professionals are with their words, the more their patients thrive.

Language matters.

If it’s true when you’re sick, why wouldn’t it be true when you’re well?

Others Believe Everything You Say (Especially About Yourself)

The example above demonstrates that we believe what other people say.

If we have said something about ourselves then other people will believe us.

After all, you are the authority on you.

If you said it about yourself it must be true!

Let’s try a little experiment.

Here are three stories about me to consider.

1. World Traveler

Hello. I’m Nola Noreen! I grew up in a small rural community on the east coast of Canada, but I didn’t stay there. As a life-long learner I have studied and lived in cities like Sete (France), Montreal (Quebec), and Toronto (Ontario). Beyond where I have lived my travels have taken me near and far. I’ve skied in the Pyrenees Mountains in Spain, crossed the Rockies, hiked waterfalls in Jamacia, climbed the Eiffel Tower in Paris, and cruised to places like the Cayman Islands, Bahamas, and Mexico. Not to neglect my own continent I’ve kissed the cod in Newfoundland, celebrated Canada Day on Parliament Hill in Ottawa and attended seafood and music festivals in Prince Edward Island. My most recent North American adventures included a US road trip from California to New York. After all my travels, I am always happy to return to home, sweet home!

1. Life of Challenges

Hello. I’m Nola Noreen! I grew up in a small rural community on the east coast of Canada on a dairy farm located in a “have not” province. In my 20’s I married my high school sweetheart, took on student loans, a mortgage, car loans, and business debt to get my husband’s IT start up off the ground. We added two baby girls to our little family. In my 30’s my younger brother died suddenly and unexpectedly from pancreatic cancer and, after 20 years together, my marriage ended leaving us both with our share of debt and emotional anguish. I became a single mom of 9 & 10 year old girls at the age of 39 and took on a new mortgage that would take me until retirement to pay off. In my 40’s I got Lyme’s disease and struggled with the impact of that disease for years. Also in my 40’s, less than ten years since my younger brother died, my older brother went to work one day and never came home again. He died in a work place accident. My family and I have been through a lot.

1. Small Town Simple

Hello. I’m Nola Noreen! I grew up in a small rural community on the east coast of Canada on a diary farm. It was a great place to grow up. Today I still work and live in the same rural community. I am a life-long learner who likes to explore opportunities and live simply. I am a minimalist. I spend my days managing a nursing home and my nights setting up what was intended to be a cottage to be a permanent home. I love a good adventure. My adventures usually lead to nature (hiking, camping, paddling) or to food (restaurants, cafes, vineyards). I am definitely a foodie, but not much of a cook.

How would you think of me after reading each of these stories.

Do you think any of these bios are true?

All of these stories are true. I could use any one of them as the About page on my website.

But I wouldn’t.

Some of them just don’t feel like me or reflect who I am.

Depending which story I told you might see me as a cool traveler, a sad victim, or a small town farm girl.

Reading the World Traveler bio gives the impression I love to travel.

I don’t.

Even thought I have been all the places I mentioned (and more!) I would never identify myself as a world traveler. Travel stresses me out. A lot.

Once I am at the destination I enjoy it, however, the getting to and from makes me crazy nervous every time.

I stress. I worry. I imagine every possible scenario where things could go wrong.

I’m one of those people who checks to make sure I still have my passport & tickets 100 times an hour. I also look at the flight boards a lot to make sure my flight is still on time.

If I am driving I keep the GPS on constantly and still don’t trust it to get me there.

I feel compelled to stop at almost every gas station because I worry that I won’t be able to find one when I need it.

It would be ludicrous to present myself to the world as a traveler!

I could barely type the Life of Challenges story. Just writing it makes me feel like a victim of life.

It is true that all of those challenges happened, but I don’t think of myself as any kind of victim.

Life can be hard and hard things happen. I accept this and move on.

I would never use a bio that dwells on hardships and tragedy!

This bio ignores that fact that life continues.

I will always miss my brothers. Their too short lives are a constant reminder to me that I need to make the most of mine.

I will never get used to being an only child after growing up as the middle child in a family of three, but healing has happened.

The illness, debt, and divorce have been put behind me.

Here I am in my 50’s and I’m happy to say that until a few months ago when I decided to buy a cottage (which is now my home – a story for another day!) I was completely debt free.

Furthermore, retirement in my 50’s isn’t out of the realm of possibility!

The Small Town Simple bio resonates with me the most.

This bio tells the story of where I am in life today.

It reflects my love of food, nature, and simple living.

It’s positive and optimistic (like me!).

If I had to tell my story today, this is the one I would tell. This is how I would want people to think of me.

YOU believe everything you say

Even more important than you believing what others say about you…

Even more important than others believing what you say about you…

YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT YOU!

The story you tell is self-fulfilling.

This isn’t an original idea. Lao Tzu laid it out for us in the 5th century BC.

Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

Lao Tzu

A little more recently you may have heard of the popular Netflix movie “The Secret” that talks about the law of attraction.

I found the Secret a little dark and conspiratorial but I have to give merit to the idea of the law of attraction.

The belief behind the law of attraction is that positive (or negative) thoughts bring positive (or negative) experiences into a person’s life.

I’ll admit it…I am an optimist. I’ve always found that if I can find the silver lining, not only do I feel better about a situation, but things usually end up going better for me.

That’s law of attraction in a nutshell.

If things aren’t going well for you, and you keep talking about it, you keep “attracting” more problems.

“The cost of gas has gone through the roof, the kids are eating me out of house and home, and I need a raise just to make ends meet.”

This would be a pretty common thing to hear someone say these days. However true it may be, there is very little positivity in that statement.

The flip side according to the law of attraction is, if you can focus on things going well, things just get better and better.

“I’ve been walking more to keep my gas costs low and I’m feeling so fit!” or “I found a store that has three amazing deals in their flyer every week. I plan my meals around their sales!”

You probably haven’t heard much chatter like this these days, but this is an example of staying positive and telling a better story.

One more quote to drive the point home. You’ve probably heard this one before:

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right,” Henry Ford.

Mr. Ford had it figured out. Which ever story you tell yourself, that is how it will happen.

I know you have hard things happening in your life right now. Can you find a way to set that aside and think about the good things happening in your life?

It doesn’t mean the bad things aren’t there. Yes, you still have to deal with them.

But, they don’t have to be the focus of your story.

YOU get to pick the focus of your story.

The good things don’t have to be earth shattering.

A perfectly sweetened cup of coffee.

The sound of birds chirping.

An unexpected call from your child.

These things count in life.

I used to keep a list titled “Things I Love” on my phone. Any time during the day I came across something that gave me that happy-content feeling I would add it to the list.

• Kitty prints on the snow.
• Maple syrup.
• Baby toes.
• Roses.
• The smell of a fresh cut lawn.

I had hundreds of random things on my list.

When everything else was sideways, I’d look over my list. I couldn’t help but feel better.

Even if you’re not sure about the law of attraction…maybe it is a bit woo-woo to you…what have you got to loose by trying to tell a positive story about yourself?

Nothing.

And if it actually works?

The better it gets, the better it gets!

My challenge to you is to take a few minutes and really think about the story you want to tell.

And then tell a really good story.

Write it down or type it up so you can refer back to it.

Go tell you story.

Make it a good one!!