My graduate, ready to take on the world!
I recently attended my youngest daughter’s university graduation ceremony. It put me in a reflective mood.
Have you ever looked back on life and wondered where and when things start to get complicated?
At what point do our simple childhoods become the complex lives that eventually have people clicking on “simple living” blogs like this one in an attempt to regain control and happiness in their lives?
Why do so many of us feel compelled to simplify our lives?
The Moment We Get Off Track
I had 2.5 hours to reflect on this (it was a long ceremony!) and I concluded that graduation was the very moment we get off track.
After graduation, there is no more debating if you are “adulting”. The wrangling as to whether you should be considered a young adult or a student is over.
You are stepping off the path that was set for you while you were still under your parent’s care. The next steps are all on you.
In hindsight, this is where things start getting tricky.
The moment following graduation we have every opportunity open to us. This should be exciting, and it is!
The reasons things get tricky is that, instead of following our hearts, we listen to monkey mind who says to us:
“Okay, you graduated!”
If your monkey mind isn’t too out of control it will have the courtesy to add:
“Great job!”
Then it will go on to say:
“You’re an adult now. You have to prove that you can be successful.
To do that you’re gonna need a job. And not just any job…a career job.
And you need a new car. Successful people drive nice cars. SUVs actually.
And you need a house. Successful people own houses.
And shouldn’t you get married? And have a baby?
Tick-tock time’s a-wasting! Let’s get going.”
As educated as we are, instead of critically evaluating what this really important next step in life could be or should be, we listen to monkey mind.
- Monkey mind isn’t educated.
- Monkey mind doesn’t know your heart.
- Monkey mind is the voice of the society you grew up in chattering away at you.
- Monkey mind says the exact same thing to everyone!
The graduate to the left of you.
The graduate to the right of you.
They all heard monkey mind say the same thing!
Before you know it you have a job you may or may not enjoy, and you’re stuck with it because you also have a car loan, a mortgage, and a family to support.
Monkey Mind Has Stamina!
New graduates are not the only ones who fall under the spell of monkey mind. It keeps chattering away no matter our age and stage of life.
Next you start to hear things like:
“Shouldn’t you be up for a promotion by now? Get your hand up for that project and be prepared to work overtime!
You are going to take the kiddos to Disney World, aren’t you? All the good parents do.
Well, if you aren’t going to buy a cottage then you have to get the travel trailer. And make sure it has the slide outs and the fire place. You will want all the comforts of home.
Did you think you could haul the trailer with your SUV? Silly! You will have get a truck. Make sure it has an extended cab so the whole family can travel together.
You’ve been so busy working overtime on that project, you barely get to take the travel trailer out. A good parent would put in a pool for the kiddos so they have something to do on the weekends they are stuck at home while you’re at the office.
Get that hot tub. You’ve been working so much overtime on this project you got a bonus. You deserve to treat yourself.”
If your monkey mind has never taken you down this road (or a similar one) you are very blessed.
This is how we very innocently over-complicate our lives.
One by one, we add stuff, time commitments, and debt. In a moment, and without much real thought or planning, we make decisions that impact the next six months or the next six years of our lives.
It happens gradually.
Before we know it we have a messy, overscheduled, demanding, draining life that’s hard to keep up with.
It is the reason we are craving a simpler life.
Not what we envisioned for ourselves on graduation day at all!
We need to sit more with that grad-day vision:
- What did we think we would do with our lives?
- What was important to us then?
- What is important to us now?
How many of those important things are showing up in our lives as the star of the show and not just an afterthought crowded out by monkey mind’s endless recommendations for us?
As individuals, we go along with life knowing how good we have it, yet still feeling vaguely dissatisfied.
We love to watch individuals on social media do interesting and random things.
We wish we had more of that in our lives, but most of us feel we don’t have the time, money, or energy to do so.
Saying No To Monkey Mind
In a world and at a time in history when there has never been more opportunity to diversify, as a society, we’ve become homogeneous. And dissatisfied with our lives.
We all just go along with monkey mind.
Don’t get me wrong. If a career, or a family, or a travel trailer is what is really important to you, you should do it. Definitely!
But don’t do it just because it is the next “expectation” of your parents, your peers, or society.
Don’t base your decisions on what everyone around you is doing. There are so many things that interest YOU and those are the things you should be and have and do, no matter what you think the next “logical” step is in life.
Do whatever you choose in your own way, in the way that is most authentic for you.
- Don’t buy the travel trailer and lament that you’ve never been to Europe. Book the tickets to Europe instead.
- Don’t buy a beautiful new home if there are a dozen cities you would love to live and work in. Go work in other cities. Rent while you are there.
- Why are you spending money on a new car, or new furniture, or new clothes when you really want to build an art studio?
- Instead of spending your time working and trying to earn more money, turn down the promotion and spend the time with your family and focusing on living within your means.
Say no to monkey mind, so that you can say yes to what’s important to you.
Think hard about how you define success in your life.
If you are having trouble defining your version of success read this post: Permission Granted (To Redefine Success).
Say no to monkey mind, even if you don’t have anything better to choose from in that moment.
Why?
Because when something great does come along, you want to have the room in your life to say yes.
Make choices that excite you and light you up!
Make choices that feel right.
Make choices that build a life that you don’t need a vacation from.
Dare To Do Life Differently.
Truly, we can’t be blamed for going along with monkey mind. It keeps us safe from our fears in life.
We are afraid of all sorts of things.
- Failure.
- Debt.
- Loss of social standing.
- Being ridiculed for our “non-safe” choices.
- Losing face.
- Disrupting our careers.
If we are doing what is expected of us, and things don’t go well, nobody is going to judge you for it. It gets chalked up to bad luck.
If we do things differently, we feel like others will say “What was she thinking???”
Here’s a little secret. They don’t say that.
Most of the time they aren’t even paying attention.
I’m a Chartered Professional Accountant. In general, CPA’s set a pretty luxurious standard of living for themselves. Large homes, new cars, cool vacations, brand everything.
As a profession, they are linked to prestigious jobs, considered highly respected ,and move in C-suite the world of finance. They are also stereotypically workaholics who carry a lot of stress due to their careers.
I’ve always worked as a CPA, but as I simplified my life more and more, I lived less and less like my CPA peers.
At first I worried I would be judged, possibly even ridiculed, for my second hand cars, renting a room instead of owning a home, taking a drop in salary to work with non-profits, and any number of other “odd ball” choices that I’ve made over the years.
This hasn’t been the case.
The only time anyone comments on my 2012 Dodge Caravan, Vinny Van Gogh, is when they are telling me they wish they had one because Vinny has been converted for my crazy camping adventures!
My message to all the new graduates (and to all of you) is to dare to live life differently.
Don’t be afraid to make a bad decision or fail. You learn as much from your failures as you do your successes! You learn grace. You learn resilience.
Don’t be afraid to share your ideas, explore things that light you up, and be out of step with the rest of the world if that’s what it takes. Your interests make you interesting!
By making choices that are true to you, your life will focus on your values and interests. You will be spending your time, your energy, and your money on things that matter to you.
Life will feel simple, and simple feels good.
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