Ultimate Hack To A Simple Life (Use The Word NO Daily)

This blog promotes simple living as a way to get clarity on your life purpose and grow as a person.

At the core, this means that you eliminate the things in life that don’t serve you and embrace everything that does.

Elimination means saying no.

Your time should be spent on things that are meaningful, exciting, and fun to you.

Even if you don’t crave a simpler life, we would all like more time to spend on those things that are important to us like our family, our hobbies, and our passions.

By extension, this would have us spending less time on commitments like meetings, appointments, and our to-do lists!

Time is one of our most precious assets. We all know it.

Yet (again and again) we let activities that aren’t meaningful to us encroach on our time. We will:

• • • Say yes to a meeting that we don’t need to be in on.
    • Spend time putting up a ton of holiday decorations that we are never home to enjoy.
    • Agree to volunteer when we’d rather not.
    • Go to a concert, movie, or comedy act we have no interest in because we won free tickets.
    • Attend a wedding, baby shower, birthday party or other event just because we were invited.
    • Spend a half a day tracking down the hottest toy for Christmas this year when we know kiddo has 30 similar toys in their toybox (and it will be forgotten within a month).
    • Agree to campaign on behalf of “insert good cause here”. Sure it’s a good cause – but is it close to your heart?
    • Join the committee because someone nominated us.
    • Attend an in-person meeting when a phone call would do.
    • Get our teeth cleaned every 4 months because we’re “due”.

We spend way too much time in life doing things that we don’t actually want to do.

Eliminating even a fraction of these things goes a long way to simplifying our lives and buying us back precious time.

What is the ultimate hack to eliminate the things in life that aren’t serving you? The shortcut to simplifying your life?

Start saying “no”.

Seems simple enough, but it really isn’t.

The Conundrum Of Saying No

Humans hate to say no.

Saying yes when asked to do something seems to be our instinctual response, and we all habitually say yes to things that we don’t actually want to do.

We will even decide for ourselves to do things that we don’t want to do, without anyone else asking or becoming involved.

Why is this?

We want to been seen as good people. Helpful and willing to contribute.

We may be concerned that a “no” will disappoint someone.

We have a lot of beliefs about what a “good” person has a duty to do in life. Have you ever had a thought like the ones below?

• • • A good employee would stay late in this situation.
    • A good daughter would go visit mom today no matter how tired I am.
    • A good mother would make the kiddos homemade cookies.
    • A good wife would surprise hubby with his favorite meal.
    • A good friend would drive across town to find the last copy of the best seller that’s sold out everywhere else.

It is true that we often need to support the people in our life. We also need their support in return.

We don’t want to, nor should we, always say no. It would be detrimental to our well-being.

Collaboration with others is an important part a life well lived.

The Cost Of Saying Yes

When agreeing to do things we really don’t want to do, however, we pay a high price.

It saps our energy.

It causes us stress.

We build resentment.

It can lower our self-esteem when we grapple with why we have so much difficulty setting boundaries and declining opportunities – even opportunities that don’t interest us.

We end up wasting our precious time on things we don’t care about and don’t want to be doing!

Tasks we have taken on or agreed to become frustrating and make us irate!

Saying yes when we want to say no complicates our lives.

If we can reserve our “yes” for when we really mean it, we approach tasks full of energy, motivation and creativity.

These are the yeses that we strive for.

Why Most Things In Life Should Be A No.

Yeas and nays are not balanced.

If you want a meaningful life, you must say no more often that you say yes.

This is simple mathematics & probabilities.

There are millions of things in life that you could say yes to. Hundreds of items and opportunities present themselves to you in any given day.

Things you could buy, eat, wear, trade, sell, join, subscribe to, attend, support, assist with, and so on!

These items and opportunities are targeted at a wide spectrum of people. Housewives, music lovers, scientists, health nuts, artists, spiritualists, gym rats, nature lovers, and more!

The majority of these things will not be of interest to you.

They are not your cause.

They are not your priority.

They are not your wheelhouse.

As I simplified my life and made a conscious effort to spend more of my time on things that actually support or improve my well-being, and the well-being of those around me, what I found is this:

I was too often saying yes to other people’s priorities, leaving no time for my own.

I did this because I like the person who had asked me. It was always a good cause. I had the skill sets to help and I didn’t want to seem selfish with my gifts.

I never asked myself the simple question “Does this matter to me?”.

That question goes a long way.

If it doesn’t matter to you, leave it for someone who cares deeply about it.

It’s okay.

By the numbers alone, most things should be a no.

The magical yes should be a very rare unicorn indeed.

YES And NO Are Not Equal Opposites.

We often consider yes to be the flip side of no.

It’s not.

Once you have committed to just one thing, you have said no to every other opportunity that presents itself during the time of your commitment.

With a yes, you have pledged your time.

On the other hand, saying no to just one thing leaves you open to every other possibility.

With a no, you can still spend your future time doing whatever you want.

I love the way James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, puts it:

“No is a decision. Yes is a responsibility.”

Most of us take our responsibilities in life seriously – as we should.

When considering a yes, ask yourself if you really want to take on the responsibility.

Is it meaningful enough and important enough for you to spend precious time on?

Are you okay with foregoing other opportunities for this one?

Sometimes you will be but many times, in your heart, you will know that this is not the opportunity for you.

If It Isn’t A Hell Yes, It’s A No.

Greg McKeown who wrote Essentialism – The Disciplined Pursuit of Less (a book that is defiantly a hell yes!) says in the book “If it isn’t a clear yes, then it’s a clear no.”

I like his approach.

Saying no is a skill. You get better at it the more you practice.

In the beginning, I’d (once again) find myself committed to something that I didn’t want to be.

I had said no so rarely, that I wasn’t very good at recognizing when I needed (or wanted) to say it.

A hell yes is easy to recognize.

I’m immediately excited. My mind starts spinning with the possibilities. I’m already planning stuff in my head before I’ve even said yes.

If this doesn’t happen, instead of trying to figure out if “the thing” is something I want to do, I settle immediately on no.

After a while my life filled up with high-value, high-quality activities.

There is no longer any point in entertaining a “meh” idea because I’m not willing to trade something fantastic for something that’s only so-so.

No Is A Shortcut To A Simple Life

As you simplify your life you will realized there is a lot to say no to.

This post mostly discusses commitments, but you might find yourself saying no to stuff, relationships, trips, work opportunities, fast fashion, and more.

It’s a powerful moment when the day arrives that, for the first time, you want to say no…and then you do!

There comes a point when you realize the power (and by power I mean happiness and joy) that comes from saying no.

• • • You don’t feel like you’re missing out.
    • You stop feeling like you’ve disappointed someone.
    • You don’t even consider doing something because it is what’s “expected” of you.

You only do what matters.

To you.

The power comes from protecting your time and keeping your life from becoming cluttered up with things you don’t want in it.

Keeping life open to follow opportunities as they arise!

You’ll eventually wonder why you ever said yes to half the things you used to commit to.

If you are worried that you might become selfish with your time…don’t be.

Saying no more often to things that don’t really matter leaves you more room for things that do.

You will find yourself eager, interested, and available to participate in activities that are meaningful and supportive to your well-being , and the well-being of those you care about.

As you simplify your life you will gain a lot of clarity about what kind of life you want to live. Clarity that you probably didn’t always have.

The more clarity you gain, the easier it is to say no and you will find yourself doing it more often.

Practice Saying No This Week.

It doesn’t need to be dramatic, or even obvious to anyone else.

Spend some time noticing the things you’ve committed to doing that you really don’t want to be doing.

Then start planning to get them out of your life.

The things you have committed to are a responsibility. You may have to see some of them through.

Please don’t abandon feeding your neighbor’s cobra before they are back from their vacation no matter how much you detest feeding it mice. After all, you said yes!

Other things might be easier to disentangle yourself from.

When your term is up on the volunteer board that you joined because a friend (who is very passionate about the cause) corralled you into it, don’t reoffer.

You can still support your friend by volunteering to help with an event from time-to-time, attending fundraisers for the cause, or making a donation.

In the meantime you can look for a cause that is meaningful to you and that you want to be a part of.

Other Ways To Practice Saying No

• • • Pass on the sale item that you know you wouldn’t buy if it were marked at full price.
    • Mark an hour on your calendar for your own self-care and refuse to allow anything to override it.
    • Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying “No thank you, I have other plans.” with no further explanation. It may sound silly, practicing a graceful no makes it easier when you use it in real life.
    • Say no in easy, low-risk situations where you don’t know the person making the request. For example:
      • When asked if you would like to donate today at the check-out say no. (You can still go home and donate if you want, this is for practice!)
      • Say no to the street vendor trying to sell you something.
      • Refuse the upsell item like the jumbo drink or the combo.
    • Don’t buy into the marketing ploy. Getting 10 cents off if you buy 4 cans of corn is going to clutter up all your cupboard space. Buy the one can you need and carry on.
    • Politely but firmly end the conversation with the telemarketer.

The Simple Summary

Saying no is a powerful way to simplify your life.

The quickest way to remove things that don’t matter from your life is just not to let them in, in the first place.