1. Simplifying Your Life Has Nothing To Do With Your Stuff 

Many of us start down the road to simple living thinking it is about decluttering our stuff. 

Nope. 

Although almost every single one of us starts out this way, tidying up your belongings is the “gateway” to tidying up your life…aka personal growth. 

When you make the decision to drastically reduce the number of things you own, you are suddenly confronted with figuring out what you really want to keep…and why.

There is no life or death decision. When it comes right down to it, there aren’t very many things that you own that you can’t live without. Still, it seems hard to choose.

What goes? What stays?

For what may be the first time in your life instead of consuming (and bringing stuff into your life) you are exhuming. Digging up and bringing to the light of day all those prior purchases.

Asking yourself “Why did I buy this in the first place?”

It seems like an innocent question, but it can come with some tough self-reflection. Especially when you ask yourself that questions 100’s of times for 100’s of different items.

Your monkey mind gets involved and every answer seems to lead to a new question.

Q: Why did I buy this mascara?

Monkey Mind: I love the jazzy pink tube and it is suppose to give me flirty eyes! Plus I love the style of the wand this mascara has. This wand never clumps. But honestly, I never wear it. I never wear any makeup. Why am I keeping it? Because I want to be the kind of woman who wakes up and “puts on her face” (including flirty eyes) to face the world every day. What an awesome image. The reality is I never feel like putting makeup on in the morning. It just feels like ick on my face. But what if someday I decide I want to? If I don’t keep it I won’t have any mascara to put on. I only have the one. It’s not like I have a whole collection of mascara. Shouldn’t I keep at least one tube of mascara?

Quite honestly, that dialogue in my head about a single tube of mascara went on much longer than that.

That’s just one item!

As you probably figured out, I wasn’t grappling with the mascara. I was grappling with my self-image.

Did I want to continue holding on to the idea of who I thought I should be – that gal that wakes up and gets looking glamorous for her day? Could I accept who I really am most comfortable being – that gal who would rather wear a smile than makeup?

This is a perfect example of how decluttering your stuff starts you on the journey of self actualization.

Deciding which physical items get to stay, is learning about who you really are and what you really value.

In care you are wondering…I tossed the mascara.

2. Freedom Is NOT What I Want

One motivation for simplifying my life in the early days was freedom.

• • I wanted to be free from financial worry and concern.
  • I wanted to be free to retire early.
  • I wanted to be free of my stuff so that I could spend less time cleaning, tidying, organizing, sorting, winterizing, disinfecting, filing, maintaining, repairing, servicing, etc.
  • I wanted to be free of a big house and yard that seemed to take up all my non-working hours.
  • I wanted to be free of a job that took up all the prime waking hours of every day.
  • I wanted to be free of obligations like meetings, conferences, social events, and fundraisers that didn’t interest me.
  • I wanted to be free from morning commutes…and evening ones!
  • I wanted to be free to read a book all day, or take a hike because the weather is perfect, or book an impromptu vacation or day at the spa and just go!

In 2018, eight years into simplifying my life, I was ready for freedom! I quit my job and took a contract position. When the position ended I arranged to begin another contract six months later and prepared to really enjoy myself for the next half-year.

I hated it. I was bored, unfocused, and listless.

I hated it so much that I didn’t even make it the full six months. I picked up a 3 month gig about 3 months in.

Why would I do that?

Answering that question led to a lot of personal growth.

I had achieved what I had set out to do. I had my freedom, at least for the next 6 months. What the heck was wrong with me that I couldn’t simply enjoy it?

What I learned is that freedom is not what I want.

A new word entered my vocabulary – autonomy.

I thought I wanted no constraints on me. What I learned is that I don’t mind a few constraints. In fact, I needed them to feel productive, organized and useful.

Whether or not your want them, life comes with constraints. It is unavoidable. A certain level of responsibility is required to earn a living, to maintain relationships, to take care of the people we love, to avoid bankruptcy, and to take care of our belongings and environment.

Your responsibilities in life are tied to constraints. I didn’t want to feel like I was an irresponsible person.

What I wanted was to be able to choose.

I wanted to set my own constraints based on my values and aligning with those values.

I wanted autonomy over my life.

I saw a tweet recently that summed it up nicely:

You don’t want absolute freedom, you want autonomy. The difference is that freedom implies a lack of structure, where autonomy is your ability to choose within a structure.

Hopefully, one that is composed of a vision, evolving purpose, and meaningful problems worth solving. (Twitter, @theDanKoe, Jan 30, 2023)

Today, I focus much less on freedom and much more on my ideal life. Sometimes the things I want to move into living my ideal life mean that I must have constraints.

That’s okay, because I have chosen them!

3. Nobody Cares (Or Even Notices) That You Are Living Differently

The more you have simplified you life, the more likely it is that you are living a different lifestyle than those around you.

I used to think that a) everyone would notice and b) everyone would judge me for living differently.

Ha!

Let me tell you what really happened. Here’s the story.

It didn’t feel unreasonable to think that my friends, family, co-workers and peers might notice that I was living a little bit differently than they were. It also didn’t feel unreasonable to think they might hold an opinion on that, or even judge me for it.

I had 33 items in my capsule wardrobe that covered work and play. Surely they would notice that I am wearing the same clothes all the time?

In fact, I got more complements on my outfits once I started using the capsule wardrobe. Probably because my outfits were better thought out and everything I owned I loved.

I hadn’t had a TV subscription in a decade and couldn’t contribute to conversations about Grey’s Anatomy, The Office or Sex and the City. Somebody’s going to pick up on that, right?

Nope. Turns out nobody really cares what you have to say about their favorite show, they just want to tell you what they think about their favorite show. Luckily, I’m a good listener.

I drive a 10-year old (or more) car with no heated seats, no backup cameras, and no frills. I will admit that I think people picked up on this one.

The way I could tell was if we were planning on travelling somewhere together, others would often offer to drive. I don’t love driving, so this worked out in my favor!

I experimented with a lot of different living situations on my journey to simple living. I have always worked with well-paid professionals who apart from owning their own homes are pretty likely to own a cottage, condo, or travel trailer as well.

I tried home ownership, a rented apartment, a rented house, a shared house and even rented a room. If anyone had any thoughts on the matter, they kept them to themselves.

I haven’t owned a cell phone since the 1990’s.

Wait. What?

It is true.

I have often carried one for work (provided by my employer) but haven’t paid a cell phone bill in 30 years. With everyone living on their phones these days, I initially thought this would be an issue. It hasn’t been.

We can make a long story short by simply saying that most people aren’t going to notice that you have a different lifestyle. If they do, they don’t seem to think anything of it.

There are a lot of alternative lifestyles these days (from van-lifers to vegans).

People take it all in stride if you are doing life differently.

4. There’s No Sacrifice Required

I am always the first one to say that there is no “one way” to simplify your life.

I truly believe that a simple life looks different for everyone because it is based on the things you value most. Naturally, we all value different things.

If you feel like you are making great sacrifices in order to lead a simple life, there is a pretty good chance whatever you are trying to do is not based on what you value.

Simplifying your life is about making adjustments that bring you closer and closer to living your ideal life.

The changes you make do not feel like sacrifices. They feel good. They are changes you have always wanted in your life.

Many people have the perception (I did too!) that you have to “give things up” in order to simplify.

It’s not that at all!

Simplifying your life is about getting clarity on what you want in your life and then slowly working to eliminating everything that isn’t that.

The goal is to have a life that you don’t want a vacation from!

4.5 FIRE Movement (Nay) vs Simple Living (Yay)

This is my “half” lesson learned. The .5 in the 7.5 lessons.

Not everyone will be interested in the FIRE movement, or even know what it is. It didn’t take me very long to say “nay”. It wasn’t a big overarching lesson, like the others are but if you are looking at FIRE like I was, I thought my lessons learned might still be helpful.

FIRE stands for Financial Independence, Retire Early.

As one of my main motivations for simplifying my life was early retirement the FIRE movement intrigued me.

When following the FIRE Movement you live on the extreme side of frugal so that you will hit financial independence as quickly as possible. It’s more of a short-term goal than a long-term lifestyle.

As I gained clarity, I developed my life’s mission statement. It is:

I am a life-long learner who likes to explore opportunities, and live simply.

As I came to understand myself and my goals better and better, I quickly realized that FIRE was not for me.

What appealed to me about early retirement was having more time to learn new things, having the flexibility to explore different options in life, and being able to slow down enough to focus on living simply. I felt that once I was retired I would have more time, opportunity and flexibility to target these things.

Financial independence itself was never the thing I valued most.

It might be one way to achieve my life’s mission statement but it wasn’t the only way. It probably wasn’t the best way for me either.

Delaying the things I wanted out of life while waiting to achieve financial independence didn’t sit well with me.

I have lost both my brothers young (cancer) and unexpectedly (workplace accident). I know life isn’t going to wait for me to be ready to start making the most of it. I want to make the most of it now!

Simple living allowed me to change the focus of the priorities in my life to those that really matter to me.

I don’t have to wait for retirement to learn and explore. Simplifying my life has made that all possible today.

FIRE is absolutely the best choice for some, but given my values and goals in life, I have learned that simple living is the better approach for me.

5. You Can’t Get It Wrong And You Never Get It Done

There is no right or wrong way “to do” the simple life.

Living off-grid would never make my life simpler. I want to spend my time learning and exploring. Not chopping wood and sweeping snow off solar panels.

Last weekend I met a couple out exploring waterfalls who had been living off grid for 5 years! For those who really value self-reliance, off-grid is a must in their simple living journey. They cherish the time they spend providing for themselves in ways that most people can’t.

Everyone’s version of the simple life is a reflection of their own authentic selves.

I’m pretty sure the title of this section, you can’t get it wrong and you never get it done, is a loose quote from Ester Hicks when she is channeling on the topic of manifesting your life. She 100% believes that we manifest everything in our lives.

Ester is pretty adamant that you never make a mistake. Every bad experience helps you gain clarity on what you don’t want, which helps you to know what you do want.

Simple living is a lot like that. We try things we think will improve our lives. We gain clarity. If we like the results we stick with it. If we don’t, we try something else.

From what I can tell (13 years into simple living) it is true that you never get it done.

In essence, simplifying your life is a journey of personal growth. Since we never stop growing (we hope!) we continue to modify our lives to make them more meaningful. As we grow and change, our vision for our best live evolves as well.

Although life is definitely more meaningful, focused, and calm than it was before I started to simplify my life, I truly don’t feel like I’ve arrived at the end.

I doubt I ever will!

6. Simple Living Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Spend $$$

In the early days I equated simple living with thriftiness or frugality. I had this idea that if I lived simply I would purchase very little.

This concept isn’t entirely wrong but it isn’t entirely right, either.

I did stop spending money on things that don’t matter to me. All that money got redirected to things that did matter to me.

The thing is, the things that really matter too me today are much fewer than all the things I used to mindlessly spend my money on.

I spend nothing on TV, cell phones, or makeup anymore. I rarely purchase anything on-line. I’ve stopped buying clothes that just pile up in my closet.

I remember when every time I left the house I seemed to return with a bag in hand. Do you do that?

Less Mindless Spending

Sometimes it was a consumable like food, but more often than not it was something that I didn’t really need but was on sale. Here’s some examples of the things I would come home with:

• • kitchen gadgets
  • scented candles
  • a coffee mug (with a cute saying!)
  • craft supplies
  • new ankle boots
  • jewelry
  • journals or other books
  • dollar store items for the kiddos like bubbles, sidewalk chalk, or play dough
  • hair clips, pins and elastics
  • cute birthday card or wrapping paper (and nobody with a birthday)
  • tea towels
  • throw pillows
  • post-it notes
  • chocolate treats

Those “trickle” purchases or impulse buys have gone away.

No More Buyer’s Remorse

When I do spend money these days, it is less mindless spending and much more intentional. I go to the store with a list or in need of a specific item.

When I do spend money, I don’t worry about it or agonize over the purchase.

I am much quicker to make the big and expensive purchases these days because I trust my judgement. I know if I have decided to buy something it is intentional (not impulse!) and I will not have buyer’s remorse.

7. Simple Living Brings Incredible Contentment, Peace of Mind, and Confidence

When you are living simply every aspect of life seems more manageable.

The house is easier to keep clean.

The laundry stays done.

So do the dishes!

Keeping your finances in line is simple and your savings grow easily.

You always have time to spend on the things you really want to be doing.

Life just becomes more effortless.

You can move through life knowing that if (when?) a crisis hits, you have the capacity to deal with it.

You are not already stressed out or living a frantic life. You are rested, and you have resources (time and money) available to you to help you cope.

This takes away a lot of the worry that comes with life.

You also know how little you really need to thrive in life.

The Simple Summary

1. Simplifying is not about stuff, it’s about personal growth.

2. Autonomy is more important than freedom.

3. You think people will notice your downgraded lifestyle (and judge you) but they don’t.

4. You don’t have to sacrifice anything to simplify your life.

4.5. You don’t have to wait to be financially independent to change your life.

5.  As you keep growing personally, you keep simplifying life.

6. You still spend money, it’s just on things that matter to you instead of mindless spending.

7.  Simplicity helps you thrive in life.

There you have it!  The 7 (and one-half) biggest lessons I have learned in more than 10 years of simple living.

What lessons have you learned along the way?  Share in the comments below.